Family problems can sometimes seem overwhelming. That's why, in this episode of Authentic Living, John Voris and Kim Eley explore how the four archetypes — Love, Justice, Wisdom, and Power — of Authentic Systems can help families understand each other better and create emotionally healthy relationships.
They'll discuss solutions for common family issues like unresolved conflict or communication breakdowns.
Additionally, they'll provide advice on how to strengthen connections with loved ones by focusing on self-discovery and mutual understanding. Tune in to learn about creating healthy family dynamics with different archetypes and improve your life.
For more information go to johnvoris.com
Are you Love, Justice, Wisdom or Power?
Click Here to Take the questionnaire to Discover Your Life Theme
Work 1-on-1 with John Voris
Learn about the ultimate journey of self discovery with the ALTA Assessment
Purchase John's book on The Four Life Themes
Discover the Power That Drives Your Personality
Family problems can sometimes seem overwhelming. That's why, in this episode of Authentic Living, John Voris and Kim Eley explore how the four archetypes — Love, Justice, Wisdom, and Power — of Authentic Systems can help families understand each other better and create emotionally healthy relationships.
They'll discuss solutions for common family issues like unresolved conflict or communication breakdowns.
Additionally, they'll provide advice on how to strengthen connections with loved ones by focusing on self-discovery and mutual understanding. Tune in to learn about creating healthy family dynamics with different archetypes and improve your life.
For more information go to johnvoris.com
Are you Love, Justice, Wisdom or Power?
Click Here to Take the questionnaire to Discover Your Life Theme
Work 1-on-1 with John Voris
Learn about the ultimate journey of self discovery with the ALTA Assessment
Purchase John's book on The Four Life Themes
Discover the Power That Drives Your Personality
Authentic Living: The Podcast for a Better Life
Episode 2 Transcript
***
Kim (00:07):
Hi. This is Kim Eley, and I'm here with John Voris. And we're back for another episode of Authentic Living: The Podcast for a Better Life.
And I'm really excited because today we're going to talk about our important topic. And I love this because it really is an eyeopener. It's the impact that archetypes can have on families.
Now, to do a little recap of Authentic Systems, which is the awesome program that you developed, John, is based on four archetypes, love, justice, wisdom and power. And what these archetypes are, are who we really are beneath our personalities.
And I became interested in this through my book Tickers because I interviewed amazing people who followed their true North Star and decided to do what they wanted to do, no matter what anybody else told them. Right. So, John, tell us a little bit about these archetypes and their impact.
John (01:13):
Well, I'll give you an example of a family that I worked with. There was a family of five, and there was a young man about 25, and he was the black sheep of the family. He was involved in alcohol and scarification. He [was on] drugs, and he had tried to commit suicide twice.
Kim (01:34):
Oh, no.
John (01:36):
And I assisted with the rest of the family, and it worked out very nicely. But, but they kind of avoided him. In the very end, I insisted that I at least like to try.
And so what I did is I interviewed him [using] the [Authentic Systems] assessment. And so I asked him, “what, what makes you most happy?”
And he said, “Well, currently I'm working at a restaurants and my friend was about to lose the restaurant, and he really needed help. So I decided to help him out and not take any wages and see if I can get him off the feet on his feet.”
The other [story he shared] was even bigger. He was 19 when he went to Haiti on a mission, a rescue mission for the people who had suffered from a hurricane.
Kim (02:30):
Mm.
John (02:31):
Now that's at 19 , what were we doing in 19? I was going to school, I was think about dating, you know, uh, I certainly wasn't thinking of, of going on and rescuing people.
Kim (02:42):
Oh, gosh, no <laugh>.
John (02:44):
So, so what I did is I asked him further questions about this idea of rescue. And come to find out that's exactly what his, um, what I call the synthetic facilitator is. [It] is what, are you really up to the final results in your life. What are you up to? And for him, it was, uh, a pragmatic rescue, for the radical form and the rescue.
He rescues everyone everywhere. And that's what really gives him life and a sense of wholeness.
And so once he became aware that he…that in a sense you find out your authentic identity is your job. This is what you need to, this is what you need to express.
And so once he got that, there's many things have happened. One, he can control it, he could define it. He knows what it's all about. He can look at his behavior and know, uh, what the true intention is. And, it opens up everything. But more importantly, it validates my one statement I always say to my clients, which is maybe there's nothing to fix. Only something to be aware of.
Once he became aware of this, everything fell together. And when our session was done, he went out in the car and his mother had come by and picked him up. And the following week they both showed up and the mother spent an hour. I mean, they were both crying about how he had changed. [Before] He had [the assessment, he] was not allowed to be in the house. According to the father, he was let in, and he found a job helping other people. He signed up for UNICEF.
Kim (04:40):
Oh, gosh.
John (04:40):
And that's the last I heard of him was he was in UNICEF. And [he was] going back down into the Haiti area and that was it, it was the whole idea of rescue. And so all of that other problems that were engaged, the whole family was engaged with, was gone. That's what important is gone. And now they understand what he's up to as much as he understands himself.
Kim (05:08):
Mm-hmm.
John (05:09):
And so the, this is the point, and I…when I just made this discovery, I had chills. It's not…so if he doesn't have a victim, he will make himself a victim.
Kim (05:22):
Oh, wow.
John (05:24):
Yes.
Kim (05:26):
Holy cow. So was that what was causing him then to be in such strife and to even try to suicide?
John (05:35):
That's right.
Kim (05:37):
Wow.
John (05:38):
So he had no one to one to rescue, so he had to rescue himself. In order to do that, he had to make himself a victim when he saw that everything opened up.
Kim (05:48):
Oh my goodness. So before he worked with you, what was the dynamic like with his family? Um, what, what, what, I guess I'm thinking of what, what were they telling him? What sort of things were, was he focused on? Well,
John (06:04):
It was classic. It's…first of all, because of all his drinking and drugs, et cetera…they just didn't want him in the house. And they had kicked him out and they didn't want anything to do with him, and that's also his brothers and sisters. They thought, and they told him, “You need to get a job.” And he says, “Well, I like, I like helping people.” [They said], “That's fine. But you can't make any money in it.”
Kim (06:31):
Ah. So that was the message his family had. Well, you can't make money helping people.
John (06:35):
That's right. That's right. So that was, so that's what started it. And that is very common. The clients that come to me have gone through many self-help courses and seminars and workshops, and they still feel a void.
And the reason why is because they're following their parents, parents, good-natured parents with good ideas, say, “Look, go get a job making money.”
Well, there's a lot of jobs out there to make money, and it, it's not for them. And doesn't comply with their authentic identity. And when that doesn't happen, they have to live inauthentic life.
Kim (07:11):
Right.
John (07:12):
It's going to show up.
Kim (07:13):
Gotcha. Wow. So just to kind of recap, so I make sure I understand. So this, this poor, poor guy is getting messages saying, “you need to do something that makes money and helping people does not make money.” So he had pretty much adopted this idea…like, “Oh, I can't, I can't help people to make money.” So he turned it inwards on himself.
John (07:41):
Right.
Kim (07:42):
Wow.
John (07:43):
It's also the power of the authentic expression.
Kim (07:46):
Mm.
John (07:46):
The power is, it needs to be expressed.
Now, had they, what I mean by…he couldn't make any money helping others [so] he would, he would help someone out in a restaurant to not get paid. He would go to someone's house and help them clean up and not get paid. Someone would move, he'd help, and he wouldn't get paid.
And he spent all of his time doing that, and just part-time here and there in maybe gas station or a restaurant, washing dishes, whatever it might be. But where he really put his time is helping others.
So once they understood that, [they said to him], “Well, wait a minute, there is a way to make a living helping others.”
Kim (08:27):
Right, Right.
John (08:29):
“And so let's go find what that is.” And so that opened up another door. That’s something he hadn't considered, and he hadn't [had] the way to resolve that issue. He was young, and he needed some help and guidance, and so his family gave it to him.
Last I heard he was working for UNICEF, and he's doing fine.
Kim (08:53):
Fantastic. So I'm really curious, John, because I found this so fascinating with family dynamics, and you, you know, as well as I do, um, as you stated, well-meaning parents will be like, you know, “Honey, you should really go into blah, blah, blah. That's where the money is. Um, you know, you should become a doctor.”
You know, you hear that frequently and often…do you find with families that there's certain archetypes that potentially clash? Like we were talking about the love, justice, wisdom and power. I'm curious, do you, do you remember what the, the archetypes were for this gentleman's parents?
John (09:38):
Well, they, they were both Justices as I recall.
Kim (09:44):
Ah, gotcha.
John (09:45):
And so, so the problem they had is he was out of balance.
Kim (09:50):
Ah-ha.
John (09:50):
As far as they were concerned, and it was all his fault as far as they were concerned.
Kim (09:55):
Oh, wow. So they were pointing the fingers at him like, “No, honey, you're the problem.” Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
John (10:03):
And so now all that did is compound the problem because he didn't know he was being natural, and he really didn't know what to do about it.
Kim (10:11):
Wow.
John (10:13):
Once they made that discovery that this is who he is—keep in mind I had assessed the rest of the family.
Kim (10:21):
Ah, gotcha.
John (10:22):
They all knew about Authentic Systems. So they wanted to know, “how does he fit in, or if he does, or, or how he relate, how can we relate better to him?” Once I do a family, they actually speak in authentic language. You might say that they understand what they like, what they don't like. When you have conflict, they realize that they're not in conflict, but it's their archetypes.
Kim (10:52):
Gotcha. Right.
John (10:54):
So I'll give you a good example. I am the lady's, uh, power and, uh, the gentleman is justice. . So what happens is the power, uh, wants to, uh, exert her opinion, her attitude, and, and have control. And so the justice guy, uh, he has a real problem with that because it's not about, it's not about one size fits all.
Kim (11:21):
Right?
John (11:22):
And it's not about me complying with your wishes. I have my own. And so they're always having a problem, but once I assess them, they realize that the power and justice complimenting each other if they just looked for it because they were with each other for a reason.
Kim (11:39):
Right.
John (11:39):
And so once they saw that, then everything was fine. Everything melted together.
Kim (11:45):
Oh, that's fantastic.
John (11:47):
But they have to know that. Yeah.
Kim (11:48):
Oh yeah. They have to know that. Right. It, it, that's key. But now
John (11:53):
Love and power mm-hmm. Is, uh, does not get along.
Kim (11:59):
<laugh> does not like oil and water. Huh. <laugh>.
John (12:04):
And cause the power is, uh, very practical. , watch results. and usually, uh, physically oriented , whereas the love person can be physically oriented or, uh, usually abstract . So now you've got a real conflict. Yeah. Uh, one's looking for abstract result, The other physical result, they're not communicating. Uh, one is for action, getting things done and leaving, uh, emotion and feeling out of it. Right. Trying to be more objective. But the love person is no, this is about humanity and caring and, and, uh, uh, this is what I'm up to. . And so the two of them get into a lot of trouble.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Mm. Oh, I can imagine.
John (12:47):
Now, wisdom and justice can too, if the, uh, justice is a course of combination of the, uh, caring and the wisdom, but if the caring is too large in their, in the justice life, then the wisdom is not gonna get along with them either. The wisdom and love on a, on a intimate relationship usually don't get along together.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Gotcha. Gotcha. So, speaking and thinking of the, of the young man, um, and he finally did, you said, found a job with UNICEF.
John (13:20):
Uh-huh.
Kim (13:20):
So what do you think when…of the statement, you know, “Do what you love and the money will follow?”
John (13:30):
That's a very good statement. The problem you have is people usually don't know what that is.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Ah-ha.
John (13:37):
They, they have…they know what they like—
Kim (13:40):
Mm-hmm.
John (13:40):
—but they don't know why they like it. They don't know the deeper reason why they like it.
Kim (13:46):
Gotcha.
John (13:47):
See…for example, if our gentleman went…to other countries and…picked up rubbish from a hurricane. Does he like picking up rubbish? No, That's not the issue. Does he like being wet? No. Does he like the heat? No, [that has] nothing to do with it. What it is is his expression of his authentic identity is. If there [is a way] and he can, he can express it in a way that makes him happy.
Kim (14:23):
Gotcha. So despite the heat and picking up trash, and despite, you know, being wet and miserable, really, he's, he's ultimately fulfilled—not because of the outside circumstances that he—
John (14:38):
Exactly.
Kim (14:39):
—but it's because ultimately at the end of the day, he gets this great satisfaction like, “Oh, I helped someone, I made a difference.”
John (14:48):
Yeah. Yes. And even then there, there's…you could even go back and say, “Uh, there's what you want.” But the question is, why do you want that?
Kim (15:02):
Yeah.
John (15:04):
That's what I, that's what I discover. Why do you want to want, Soas, so as long you can verbalize the first layer but you can only feel the second layer.
Kim (15:17):
Mm. Gotcha.
John (15:18):
That's what, that's when I assess someone, that's what comes out, that second layer.
Kim (15:23):
Gotcha. So, so you can ask someone, say, “What do you like, you know, what do you like to do?” But then the second layer is, and tell me if I'm on the right track, “Why do you, why do you like to do that?”
John (15:39):
Ah, then they'll give me an answer that is not there yet.
Kim (15:44):
Ah, okay.
John (15:45):
This is how it goes. I'd say…you have a car?
Kim (15:51):
Yes.
John (15:51):
Why do you have a car?
Kim (15:53):
Uh, so I can get to where I need to go.
John (15:57):
Some people can walk…
Kim (16:00):
Oh, I need to get there quickly and be there in an efficient way for my clients.
John (16:06):
Why don't you live closer?
Kim (16:09):
Uh, because, uh, I love living out in the country and my clients usually live in the city. <laugh>.
John (16:18):
Ah, now see what you just said…
Kim (16:21):
I love living in the country.
John (16:24):
That's right. So when you land on an archetype, that is the answer.
Kim (16:30):
Gotcha, gotcha.
John (16:31):
So that's the reason why you have a car.
But I've taken some people through that. And in the end [if they] say, “Well, gee, I don't know. I just, I just feel like I need a car.” And so that's really the answer is, “I don't know.” And then I go one level deeper.
Kim (16:47):
Ah. So—
John (16:48):
If you can verbalize it, usually it's not, it…usually you're on the outer edges. And that's why people have problems, at least my clients do problems with personally profile tests or, or reading self-help books, because it's designed to reach a, a massive [number of] people and they can't afford to focus a book on one person.
Kim (17:13):
Right. That makes sense.
John (17:14):
So…but in the meantime, these people are spending money and time trying to change themselves or find out what the issue is. And they're always getting a one-size-fits-all answer. And that's being missed.
Kim (17:30):
Yes. Oh gosh. So let's take a quick break. But after that, let's delve a little bit more into why some of the other one size fits all [solutions] don't work. <laugh>.
John (17:52):
All right. Very good.
***(Break)***
Kim (17:57):
So, welcome back. We're excited because we've been talking about authentic relationships based on Authentic Systems and also based on [Kim’s book] Tickers. And to give you a little insight, I wrote this awesome book called Tickers: What Makes People Tick? And Pursue a Career They Love where I interviewed people from all different walks of life. The thing that they had in common was they absolutely loved what they did for their career.
This seemed like a foreign concept to me because I was always raised with, “Work is hard and it's awful and it's drudgery and, and you know, you, you suffer to make money.” And I realized, I was like, you know, there's some people out there who actually aren't suffering every day. They actually kinda like what they do! And the one size fits all kind of concept, I think sometimes gets thrust upon us by well-meaning people.
But people are like, “Oh, you need to have a safe career that will make money, blah, blah, blah.” What I discovered when I talked to people about who really love what they do is I found that they all had [something] in common. They, they were like, “This is what I, I I'm compelled to do. This is what, what makes me light up. This is what I truly enjoy.”
So I'll share a story and John, I think I've shared this with you before, but I, I, I really love this story.I met a woman who runs a traveling cat circus <laugh>. And even cat lovers like me are like, “Wow, you're on a bus with 30 cats going around the United States. You must really love cats c’uz that's a whole lot of cats in your life all the time.”
She discovered as she was growing up, she absolutely loved animals. She even had, it was great, she snuck rats into her room. She had secret rats and she would train them and try to keep them a secret! And her parents were horrified, but she absolutely loved animals. Being around them [and] was fascinated with how they behaved. When she went to college, her parents really wanted, John, have you ever heard of somebody getting an MRS degree?
John (20:17):
No.
Kim (20:18):
That is your MRS degree. That is when you go to college, you marry someone <laugh>. So her parents wanted her to get her “Mrs.” and she was like, “Mm, I'm studying animal behavior and I find this fascinating.”
So she ended up following her passion despite her parents' horror, and training with some amazing people and learning all about how to be a fantastic animal trainer. And the thing is, she didn't listen to the one size fits all. She didn't listen to, “This is, this is what, how it has to be.” <laugh>
So, I think it's interesting, John, because I remember you had talked about…you know…a lot of people will tell us what we can do and tell us more about—
John (21:09):
Okay, Sure. Yeah. Okay. That's—it's always advertised, especially in on school grounds that you can do anything <laugh> and, “Don't ever tell anybody what you can't do.” And they focused on this word can and I understand that, but that's not what makes the world go around or makes people find themselves in your, in a book called Tickers!
Kim (21:34):
<laugh>. Right.
John (21:35):
So there's what you can do and what you could do. You know, I can be a mortician. I have the ability. I could do it if there was a school morticians pull in the area. And the question is, should I do it?
Kim (21:51):
Mm.
John (21:52):
And maybe the [answer] is I shouldn't really do it because maybe I'm a little queasy about the whole thing.
Kim (21:59):
Yikes.
John (22:00):
Then there's what we must do. And people need to follow the “must” because when you're, when you're following the must, you feel as if you have no other choice.
Kim (22:13):
Right.
John (22:14):
You feel as if…all there is in the world for me, and that, and it's true, when you feel you must do it all your people in Tickers found that they found what must do.
Kim (22:26):
Yes.
John (22:27):
And that's what I turn people toward is in their life, what they must do.
Kim (22:34):
Yes.
John (22:35):
And quite often it's against their parents or friends or relatives, but they realize it'll make them happy. I had one young man in his twenties, and his father was a highway patrolman—I think I told you the story. And he was going to school doing great in his third year, and then he started slipping up and getting employ grades. He was falling back. And so the father came to me and said, “Why don't you assess him? I need to know what's going on.” So when I did, come to find out he was a justice person, but he was also a justice person who could not inflict conflict.
Kim (23:18):
Oh gosh.
John (23:19):
How can you be a higher patrolman and not inflict conflict on the people you're meeting every day?
Kim (23:26):
Right. Think that would work? <laugh> No.
John (23:28):
So he found out that was a reason why he was self-sabotaging.
Kim (23:34):
Ah.
John (23:36):
Uh, then I asked him, you know, if there's some other way you can go. And he said, “Well, yes.”
I said, “There's victimology and I really enjoyed that because you studied the victim and you study from his point of view.” And he thought that would be a great thing to do. And so he did and went back to school and finished and did join the highway patrol. And he's doing fine.
Kim (24:10):
Oh my gosh. So let me ask you that with, with victimology, I'm guessing there was no conflict. Not the way you would because I would imagine as a highway patrolman, you're pulling people over in their car, giving them a ticket. They're probably all up in your face and you're getting a whole lot of conflict on a daily basis.
John (24:35):
Right. And he worked a division of the probation department.
Kim (24:39):
Oh gosh. So even, even worse. Yeah.
John (24:42):
But he was, the idea was to help others.
Kim (24:45):
Ah, gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha.
John (24:48):
And so that was a small town and he's moved since then. But rather than causing people problems, he was trying to help them. That was the whole point.
Kim (24:59):
Gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha. So I love that.
But what happens, how frequently do you see people who succumb to the other people telling them what to do versus following what they feel they must do?
John (25:19):
That's an everyday occurrence because most people are not lucky enough to find that when they're young.
Kim (25:26):
Mm.
John (25:26):
So for example, when I was young, my parents thought I spoke well and then the others is, I love to argue and, right off the bat, [they said] “You should be an attorney.”
Kim (25:39):
Right. <laugh>
John (25:40):
Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. That's—what's that? Yeah, that's fine. That's what some attorneys do. But that doesn't mean I should…maybe I should be a novel writer.
Kim (25:51):
Mm-hmm.
John (25:51):
Maybe I should be a poet. <laugh> Maybe there's a lot of other things that I could be and maybe work for a newspaper. But…they focused on, on [being an] attorney because they made money. At least that's—
Kim (26:06):
Not.
John (26:07):
And so I went to law school, I didn't like it and I dropped out of that and bought a delicatessen and and then went back into, into sales, which is how I discovered Authentic Aystems.
Kim (26:19):
Right.
John (26:20):
Because all of the courses I ever took in sales failed. Because they're all one size fits all, and they really focus on what's called analytics psychology. And I found all my answers from a European perspective, and it worked beautifully. And I cold-called door to door for 20 years.
Kim (26:39):
Yeah. Wow.
John (26:40):
So based on that. Yeah.
Kim (26:41):
That's so amazing. So when, when somebody sees that you are able to do something—like for instance, John, you're great at speaking and you also like to argue, those are things that you do, but we've, we've talked about before, that's not who you really are. Those are the things you do.
John (27:03):
Yes.
Kim (27:05):
So how do you chip to that deeper level below, you know, like you say, you know, beneath somebody's personality.
“Because you're bubbly.” You know, I hear that a lot. “You're bubbly and, and you're a lot of fun” is what I hear. But bubbly and fun are not who I am on a fundamental basis or level. That's…how I interact with the world.
John (27:31):
Right. Those are your attributes.
Kim (27:32):
Attributes. There we go. Right.
John (27:34):
And, and so…attributes don't make decisions.
Kim (27:37):
<laugh>. Right. You don't marry an attribute. <laugh>
John (27:42):
You don't become angry, angry at an attribute. So they're what it is they're just describing, actually— they're describing your genetic composition.
Kim (27:52):
Hmm. Oh, you mean the doing the outward, the—
John (27:57):
Bubbly.
Kim (27:57):
—the bubbly.
John (27:58):
Yeah. Because you'll find that one of…if you're bubbly, one of your parents or a relative relatively close also had a somewhat of a bubbly personality.
Kim (28:10):
Interesting.
John (28:10):
Usually.
Kim (28:12):
Gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha.
John (28:13):
But doctors, I looked into this, uh, they found that…in utero…they actually express personality.
Kim (28:25):
Ah-ha.
John (28:26):
Maybe yes, they do.
Kim (28:27):
Oh, that's fascinating. Wow.
John (28:29):
They're not even born yet, so they're not even exposed to any environment. That's essential. Human beings are given genetic predispositions, which are more like a foundation. So they, they—children learn what's fair, easily, quickly, when they're two, three years old, and if you take a cookie away from a baby, what's gonna happen? “That's not fair. That's not fair!”
And—the other, there's a stage when everybody, when children want to know everything and they ask questions, “What's this? What's that? What's this? What's that? What's this?” That's that phase. And then in, in intermingle is the power stage where they want to feel like they can impact the world.
They can move things. They…count. So really all four—love, justice, wisdom and power—are being practiced very early because that first comes from the genetic predisposition.
Kim (29:28):
Oh, that's fascinating. That's fascinating.
So, at what point, I guess…you often will talk with, um, you know, young people, people who are, you know, going to go into college, things like that. How do you help them to—I guess maybe get rid of the messages or climb through the messages that say you should do this because you're good at this. How, how do you help them kind of shift to a different mindset?
John (29:59):
Uh, I bring their parents in—
Kim (30:01):
Smart.
John (30:02):
Okay. So you have a parent sitting there who wants the best for their children, and had that experience where he wanted his daughter to be an attorney or in real estate. And in that process, she, he found that she wanted to be a child psychologist.
Kim (30:18):
Ah.
John (30:19):
And it changed the whole world because now he knows where to devote his money, what college to support, where she'll be. She will follow through with the major because she never wanted to be a realtor or an attorney. And she'll follow through the major and everything worked out. Everything works out that way.
Kim (30:39):
That's amazing.
John (30:40):
Put the parent there.
Now sometimes I'll, I'll do couples work [too].
Kim (30:46):
Oh, gotcha. Gotcha.
John (30:49):
She knows what he's up to and he knows what she's up to or what you know, what they're like, you know, and so, on.
So why don't you assess them in front of the other. Then they can either confirm or deny while I'm coming up with, or what work we're coming up with together. And…that makes it really nice because then when it's over with…she or he sees what really turns them on and gets them motivated, then when they go home, they're backed up.
Kim (31:19):
Right, Right. Oh, that's fantastic. We were partnering. Yes.
John (31:23):
That's awesome. Yes. So, to keep in mind, all my clients are people who've gone through all these tests and courses and seminars and workshops and, and still felt there's, there was a gap there.
Kim (31:38):
Gotcha. Yeah. Yeah. Because I mean, I think we had talked about in the first episode about people in sales who would have training and they might repeat the same training, but you see that as well with people who will take personality tests.
John (31:54):
Sure.
Kim (31:56):
So that's so interesting. So what do you think it did it, it, when you're revealing to somebody and, and sharing with them their assessment and, and let's say it's a young person and they're there with their parent. Is it a gradual “aha” process? How do people grasp it? Are they, are they initially resistant to hearing the assessment results? Or, are they kinda on the edge of their seat? Like, “Wait, what? I never knew this.”
John (32:29):
Well, the children, uh, they're open immediately—
Kim (32:33):
Mm-hmm.
John (32:34):
—but the parents, they have all the walls up.
Kim (32:38):
Gotcha.
John (32:39):
Then they start listening to how their child reacts to the questions.
Kim (32:44):
Mm.
John (32:44):
And it’s this slow process, and suddenly they're on board with adults. Uh, at first they have…the walls are up. And then as we continue, the walls come down and, and <laugh> in the very beginning, they're very talkative.
Kim (33:00):
<laugh>
John (33:01):
Then when I say, “Okay, now do you see this pattern of what you're up to? That you're always looking in at life in a binary way? There's always a, there a, there's a B, there's a B, there's a C, there's always something. Do you see that?” And, and then that's when epiphany happens.
Kim (33:19):
Ah-ha!
John (33:20):
For a justice person.
Kim (33:21):
Right, right,
John (33:22):
Right. And so, yeah, so most the, it's really, it usually starts within the first 15 minutes.
Kim (33:30):
Gotcha. So within the first 15 minutes, that's amazing. Yes. Yes. That's really wild. And it just continues.
John (33:50):
There's absolutely quiet, just listening. Listening. And they're just, they're answering questions, but then they're really listening.
Kim (33:56):
Right.
John (33:56):
Different kind of listening. The other is every one of—well, very often, probably 80% of my clients, when they're done, they'll say, “Had I known it was going to be like this, I would've done it earlier.”
Kim (34:09):
Ah.
John (34:10):
They're afraid that they're going to find something terrible about themselves.
Kim (34:15):
Oh wow.
John (34:16):
We're going to find out. They're psychologically—you're, you're impaired in some way. First of all, I'm not in the field of psychiatry and that's not my issue. I'm dealing with archetypes only. And so it's very, very safe.
If I say, in fact, I'll ask, “Describe the last time you were happy.”
Kim (34:37):
Mm-hmm.
John (34:38):
It could have been last week, it could have been 10 years ago. It could have been [that] you found a parking place. I mean, it's, it doesn't matter. It's very simple. Very…it's not intrusive at all.
Kim (34:51):
Right. Right.
John (34:52):
But it has a pattern because everything you do reflects your authentic identity.
Kim (34:58):
Oh, I love it. So may I share an example where I was incredibly happy last week?
John (35:04):
Okay.
Kim (35:04):
And we can talk about what, because full disclosure, I am a love life theme. I had done the assessment and I absolutely, it, it resonated with me.
But last week, John, you would've, you would've just been amazed. I went to the American Library Association conference in Washington DC with 14,000 librarians, [and there were] publishers and books as far as the eye could see. It was the size of a football field and a half. And I felt such euphoria. And I think it was because I was there. I, I love books, books, words, messages, light me up. And I was there with my peeps, with my fellow book lovers. I just felt like I was on seventh heaven.
I didn't eat all day on Saturday. And I am a girl who does not like to miss a meal. And I realize at the end of the day, ‘Huh, What's that weird feeling? Oh, that's hunger because I forgot to eat.’ I was so excited. So does that fit in with, with, you know, does it resonate with, with, with who I am as a love person?
John (36:20):
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. No question about it. Absolutely. I mean, being around people is something that you need. And you're always doing.
Kim (36:30):
Yes.
John (36:30):
And, so now you're with other people sharing the same type and kind of ideas and that is very important. And so that a sense of fulfillment I could see would be there.
Kim (36:43):
Yes. Oh gosh. Yeah. I, I was in seventh Heaven, I didn't want to leave and I absolutely—and I brought home too many books. I you, you would've done the same thing.
John (36:54):
There is no such thing as too many books.
Kim (36:56):
Yeah. <laugh>.
John (37:01):
I have a t-shirt that says “It’s not hoarding if they're books.”
Kim (37:05):
<laugh>. There we go. There we go. I love it. I love it.
So, well, this has been fascinating. Thank you so much for sharing. I love getting these deeper insights on why Authentic Systems enables people to have better and more authentic relationships, not only with themselves, but with their families.
John (37:27):
Sure. Oh, yes. Yeah. They—now they really do understand each other and they're talking on a very different level because they're not being, they're not making it personal <affirmative>, they're, they really realize that there's archetypes talking to other archetypes.
Kim (37:43):
There we go. That's absolutely fascinating. So if you would like to know more, dear listener, about this, please go to John's website. And what is that, John?
John (37:56):
That’s www.authentic-systems.com.
Kim (38:01):
Excellent. So check it out and if you are interested, please, please reach out to John. And I highly suggest doing an assessment. It truly is life changing. I can say that because I took the assessment and I use it truly all the time for my personal life and business.
And if you're interested in Tickers, reach out to me at www.kwepub.com.
Oh my gosh. So we'll see you guys next time for our next episode.
John (38:33):
Now one more point is…they can get a hold of me by [emailing] john@authentic-systems.com.
Kim (38:43):
Excellent. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So feel free to drop John an email. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much, John, for another amazing episode.
John (38:52):
Thank you. Yes, absolutely.