How Do You Communicate? Authentic Rapport

Today, John and Kim explore how to establish trust and genuine rapport, and how this can be put into practice in your daily life. 

They'll discuss communication apprehension or hangups and the different ways of communicating that can create a better understanding between people. 

By learning about the communication styles of each Life Themes, you'll become more confident in yourself and will move towards becoming an effective communicator. 

For more information go to johnvoris.com

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Transcript

Episode 9 ~ How Do You Communicate? Authentic Rapport

Kim Eley (00:30):

Hi. Welcome back. We are so glad to have you back here at Authentic Living the podcast for a Better Life. And I am your co-host, Kim Eley, and we also have our other co-host, John Voris.

John Voris (00:44):

Hello.

Kim Eley (00:45):

Hello. And I'm excited because this week we're going to talk about something that happened that was inspired by something in real life that happened this week. So, John, tell us the story

John Voris (00:58):

Well, I was conducting an assessment and when we were completed, and she had taken it before, but I had improved the assessment itself, so she wanted to do it again. And we did. And she says, “one question I have is I know how I can use it for myself, about how do I use it out in the world, and I'd sure like to know how to do that.” And so back when I had assessed her, we didn't get into that very much because people came to me with specific issues like career or relationship or something specific. 

Anyway, so yeah.

Kim Eley (01:33):

Sorry.

John Voris (01:33):

Yeah.

Kim Eley (01:33):

I want to interrupt you real, real quick because to you and I, it's obvious what we're talking about, but just reiterate for folks who might be joining us for the first time, what assessment did you give her?

John Voris (01:44):

Oh, okay. What do we do is I give her questionnaire and it's the Authentic [Systems] Life Theme questionnaire and they fill it out. Very simple questions that we meet, and I take them through the answers that they gave, and we kind of, because I can, I can have follow up questions. 

It's very different than a personality profile test where the questions are fixed in multiple; this is ongoing and streaming. And so we go through the questionnaire, and then when we're done, we make it discoveries about what makes them happy. Where is their strength in their knowledge and ability to learn, or we learn how they interact with people the best way, the most ideal way. And also what are they up to in the world of action, getting things done, changed what is best for them. 

But we also get to, are they looking for abstract or physical result—that's very important. And we also get into the idea of rejuvenation. Rejuvenation, where you separate yourself from your normal activities, and then you have a consumer type that's very, very unique.

 So when they're done, then they have good idea of the archetype motivation. That's what these are of love, justice, wisdom, power. They're archetypes, which means awesome. That they defined an idea such as we know the difference between pride and anger, no problem, why? Because these are specific archetypes that we have or they actually symbolled.

Kim Eley (03:17):

Right.

John Voris (03:18):

And so that's what the assessment is. 

And so I had done it with her back in 2010, and I had improved on that assessment. So we had another one just yesterday. And so, yeah, so that's the assessment. And she wanted to know how can she use it out in the world. And I thought, well, that's not a problem because that's what I did for 20 years.

Kim Eley (03:40):

<Laugh>. Right, right, right.

John Voris (03:41):

Yeah. So I wanted to go through one aspect is called rapport. And authentic rapport. And so what I found when I was out in sales is the rapport that they suggest how to gain rapport is, for example, first impression is the most important, have the best attitude, lots of passion, and you're speaking, try to find empathy things in common and all that. Well, the, that's all physical, that's all outside physical world. And the other problem I had was you can take two inmates in prison and have the same thing. That doesn't mean they're going to trust each other.

Kim Eley (04:21):

Oh, you mean two inmates in prison can have rapport, but that's not equivalent to trusting? <Laugh>.

John Voris (04:27):

That's what, especially in sales, that's what you want to do, is you want your prospect to trust you, and this is what they do. This is the rapport they use. But then they would also say, listen to your customer and listen to prospect and listen to what their needs are. But then they have a whole section on how to overcome objections. So what do you do? Am I going to listen to the person or am I going to argue with them practically?

Kim Eley (04:51):

<Laugh>. 

John Voris (04:53):

That, that was always a problem. The main issue though, if you go through, this of what you should do to gain rapport, they're always physical observations. And so that's always in my world, is the effect of who you are, the synthetic side, the synthesis that you've learned what I wanted to do was go to the authentic person, the authentic prospect. And so what I did was develop a system, a method to do just that. So one is human beings only have so many traits. And in fact, Gordon Alport, he came up with 4,000.

Kim Eley (05:29):

Oh dang.

John Voris (05:31):

<Laugh>. And so we have all these traits, but we have to be very selective and the ones that we value, because the values are going to create our identity.

Kim Eley (05:41):

Gotcha. Okay.

John Voris (05:42):

But we only have so many traits to, to select from.

Kim Eley (05:46):

Right. Right.

John Voris (05:47):

So what I said to myself is, by knowing who I'm not—

Kim Eley (05:51):

Mm-Hmm.

John Voris (05:52):

—I know who you are.

Kim Eley (05:53):

Intriguing. Yes. Tell us more.

John Voris (05:56):

Okay. So I'm not a cop, ah, now because I'm not, but why, what am I, and how do I define what it takes to be a cop?

Kim Eley (06:06):

Right.

John Voris (06:06):

And so one is they have to put their life at risk. Well, I'm not going to do that. The other is that they're always after criminal, which means that I really don't like to be around that group of people, you might say.

Kim Eley (06:19):

Right, right.

John Voris (06:20):

The other is, is they really do cause problems for people, meaning the criminals, and they see victims all day.

Kim Eley (06:29):

Ah.

John Voris (06:29):

So just that alone, that group as telling me in order to be in law enforcement, I have to have these characteristics, abilities or traits.

Kim Eley (06:41):

Gotcha.

John Voris (06:42):

And I don’t.

Kim Eley (06:42):

Right. Right.

John Voris (06:44):

That means they do. You see?

Kim Eley (06:45):

Ah, I see. Okay. 

John Voris (06:48):

Because we're all selecting from the same domain of possibility.

Kim Eley (06:53):

Right. Right. 

John Voris (06:54):

So what I do then is say, if you were an officer, I would say, you know, isn't it scary to be out there every day and putting yourself at risk like that? I couldn't do that. How, how do you do that?

Kim Eley (07:05):

Gotcha.

John Voris (07:06):

And what happens is you're acknowledging their authentic identity. And that's something that people very seldom get to feel.

Kim Eley (07:14):

So you're respect—calling out their authentic identity by acknowledging, oh my gosh. You know, you're not saying it this way, but one of the traits you have is to deal with the criminal element all day. How do you do that? So you, you're basically acknowledging something that you see that they do or are.

John Voris (07:36):

Yes.

John Voris (07:38):

They are not do. Thank you. So, so these are the manifestations of their being and that's what I want to focus on.

Kim Eley (07:46):

Gotcha.

John Voris (07:48):

Because the, the concept of being is an archetype that will cover all my other questions or all my other issues and will really be a guide to understanding who this person is.

Kim Eley (07:59):

So let me ask you something. With authentic rapport. Authentic rapport doesn't mean you have to pretend to have the same traits as that person in order to get along with them.

John Voris (08:14):

Oh, exactly. What they teach you in, in sales is find something in common. So you walk in their office and you see golf clubs in the corner and you say, “oh, I golf too,” you know? And so I start talking about the courses I go to, and then he looks at me and says, “I hate golf. <Laugh>, that's, that's my brother's clubs. He left it from a party last night.”

John Voris (08:39):

Now what do you do?

Kim Eley (08:40):

<Laugh>? Right.

John Voris (08:42):

So there's a lot of things that you could see that you may have rapport with, but you may not. And now you've got to be careful with that. It really is, is a little bit of guessing and a little bit of selection. And some people get luckier than others. 

So that was always the problem is I didn't, it's always a guesswork when I know what a person does for a living and they're happy with it. That's very important. They're content-based contempt, then I know that they have characteristics I do not have. See, in this country, you're always pushed to thinking you can do anything. And we've discussed this before, but it's not about can, it's about must you. That's the, that's the difference. You feel like a must. And so if someone is happy being in law enforcement, what they're saying is that who I am being conforms with law enforcement and law enforcement conforms with me.

Kim Eley (09:36):

Yeah. Gotcha.

John Voris (09:37):

Makes sense?

Kim Eley (09:38):

Yes. That does make sense.

John Voris (09:40):

So that's the case that I am not in law enforcement. And there's a reason, there's a reason because there's characteristics that I don't have. At the same time, the officer would fantasize, “I wanna be a writer.”

Kim Eley (09:54):

Mm-Hmm. 

John Voris (09:56):

But he'd have to think to himself, well what does it take to be a writer? Well, there you have to be hours alone.

Kim Eley (10:02):

Right.

John Voris (10:03):

You have to really like aloneness and think, honestly think and come up with ideas. And so maybe the officer is saying, “well, no, I want to be in action. I want to be doing stuff.” And so they're looking at, at me and that perspective, and by knowing who they're not, they can't know who I am.

Kim Eley (10:28):

Ah, gotcha, gotcha.

Kim Eley (10:30):

Yeah. Very cool. So question for you, because of course, Authentic Systems has to do with archetypes, right? It has to do with love, justice, wisdom and power. So when we're talking about authentic rapport, how would that maybe change or, or be impacted depending on which life theme you're talking with?

John Voris (10:52):

Sure. I'll give you a very good one. And what I learned all of this through sales. Sale was a fantastic place to learn about motivation and who you're talking to, what their professions are, what they like and dislike. So I always have an example of, let's say a Tesla. Yes. So the love person wants to buy the Tesla because of their caring of the world, the earth. Okay. So what I would do is if I was going to sell them a Tesla, then I would bring that point up that, you know, you are saving the planet if you get a Tesla.

Kim Eley (11:29):

<Laugh>. Right? Right.

John Voris (11:31):

And so I would have that as a baseline, like it's like lexicon in itself.

Kim Eley (11:37):

Right.

John Voris (11:37):

And each person, each type—love, justice, wisdom and power—has their own. And so I would dip into that. Now, the justice person, he wants to offset carbon, something like that. He wants to bring balance symmetry into the situation.

Kim Eley (11:52):

Mm-Hmm. 

John Voris (11:53):

So that's why he might buy a Tesla…or she.

John Voris (11:57):

Then you have the wisdom people who are really in love with the mechanics of it, how it works. The machinery of it. The technology. That's where my focus would be. And then of course, power people, they want to be an example to show others of the direction of the future. And so that's where I would focus. And believe it or not, I wouldn't change it. 

But there's something, when we're on this, I discovered something that was actually shocking to me. I assessed a car salesman who was a love theme. A love theme, but it was focused on family.

Kim Eley (12:34):

Huh.

John Voris (12:35):

And what he sold were station wagons at the time, SUVs, a family car.

Kim Eley (12:41):

Mm-Hmm.

John Voris (12:42):

His friend Bob, I don't remember his name, but he sold sports cars, small, you know, fast muscle cars. So I can understand where my friend would push the type of car that he is associated with as with the friend. But there's something else that happened. Someone would come on the lot and see my friend, we'll just call him John. That's fine. So we come on a lot and see John and talk about the fast cars and he would comply, but for some reason there wasn't a connection and the people would leave.

Kim Eley (13:19):

Ah.

John Voris (13:19):

But then come back and when they came back they talked to Bob and they bought a car.

Kim Eley (13:25):

Interesting.

John Voris (13:26):

That is very interesting because it's not only that you feel your own authentic identity, but others do too.

Kim Eley (13:35):

Okay. If you don't mind, unpack that for us a little bit. So yeah. Why did the gentleman talk to the fast car salesman, leave and then come back and buy a car?

John Voris (13:46):

The empathy was not there with my friend John. There was not a connection that in a sense goes beyond language.

Kim Eley (13:57):

Right. Okay.

John Voris (13:58):

And we'd all do it, we walk into a room and we just glance around and we almost think, “Ooh, we're going to get along with [this person] and [know] who we won't.” Right?

Kim Eley (14:06):

Right.

John Voris (14:07):

So that's all I can think of is that it really extends beyond language and it's a type of communication that is abstract, and actually according to phenomenology, which I'm not going to get into now, the idea is that what's really happening is we're in contact with the essence of someone,

John Voris (14:28):

The force, the psychic energy.

Kim Eley (14:30):

Mm-Hmm.

John Voris (14:32):

And everyone generates energy in some way. And so what I've discovered so far that I can just surmise this, is that it is this energy, this essential energy of two people coming together and either finding synchrony or not either finding you know, some kind of automatic rapport you might say. 

And so my friend John is a family person and the people who came there were looking for something so very different. And so also because he was a family oriented person, he comes across that way when speaking.

Kim Eley (15:07):

Ah. Gotcha. 

John Voris (15:09):

And he might even mention, “oh, this is a great car. How many children do you have?” “Oh, I don't have any.”  “Oh, okay. Well, you know, let's go over here to another family car.” And he might not mention family, but he'll talk about the attributes of the car and he would say, “no, I want something fast.” Well, so he would take him over there to where the fast cars are, but then the language wouldn't change that much.

Kim Eley (15:33):

Right. Gotcha.

John Voris (15:35):

The feeling generated by the language wouldn't change that much.

Kim Eley (15:38):

Right.

John Voris (15:38):

This is still a family guy selling a sports car.

Kim Eley (15:42):

<Laugh>. Gotcha. Okay.

John Voris (15:44):

<Laugh>, just to look at it that you would think, what does that mean? it doesn't make any sense. Right? But that's what I mean is that this experience really changed my view on how people read each other.

Kim Eley (15:58):

Yeah.

John Voris (15:59):

And I've read a great deal of the philosopher has who wrote a great deal on phenomenology and it, from his perspective, it is the essence we're looking into when we're looking for compatibility.

Kim Eley (16:14):

Excellent. Okay. This is fascinating. I think we should take a quick break, but then when we come back, let's talk some more about how people read each other and compatibility. I think that's Juicy <laugh>.

**Break**

Kim Eley (17:39):

Hi. We are back with Authentic Living Podcast for a Better Life. And we've been having a really interesting discussion. And John, I want to pick back up on how people read each other in compatibility. And I want to start with a question.

John Voris (17:55):

Okay.

Kim Eley (17:55):

So again, real life—talking to a friend of mine the other day, her son is in high school, and she said, “I'm starting to take him to colleges to check out where he would like to attend.” And she said, “but I wanna make sure I attend each college more than one time.” And I was like, “why? That seems like a big waste of gas and time.” 

And she said, “well, what happened to me when I went to college is I had a fantastic connection with the tour guide from that college. Absolutely just hit it off with this person. Decided that's where I wanted to go to college and hated the college experience.”

John Voris (18:43):

Ah-Huh.

Kim Eley (18:43):

And she said, “I don't want that to happen to my son.” 

So I'm curious to know, what does that tell us about my friend and her rapport and whether it was misleading and sold her a—the wrong product. Because a tour guide is essentially a salesperson for a college, right?

John Voris (19:03):

Right. Hmm huh. Okay. My first guess would be that your friend is a justice person.

Kim Eley (19:10):

She is a justice person. <Laugh>.

John Voris (19:12):

Yeah. And the reason for that is because they're always in the state of duality. They're always looking for symmetry, they're always looking for balance. And also decisions can often be quite a struggle because they are always seeing both sides and so that's why college to go back twice, that's the indication of a justice person. A love person would just be either, “I love this college” or “I don't.”

Kim Eley (19:38):

Right. <laugh>

John Voris (19:40):

The wisdom person may make a lot of phone calls—

Kim Eley (19:43):

Hmm.

John Voris (19:44):

—and not physically go there as often and, and maybe not at all, and decide which ones they like and just go to the one that they think is best. And a power person will do the same thing, choose a top university and apply from one university, and that's the end of it. 

So then the other issue is her, so she's got the tour guide and the college. Well, the truth is yes, it's a package that's being presented. It's a whole package, but there's two aspects to the package. So what she did is found balance between the tour guide and the college. That college must reflect the tour guide.

Kim Eley (20:21):

Mm-Hmm.

John Voris (20:21):

See, so that's what the justice people do, is they're always engaged in a pronged approach to a lot of decisions.

Kim Eley (20:28):

Gotcha. Okay. So that totally suits her temperament. And she or her life theme, she is a justice person, I would say. Because as we've talked about before, justice people are a combination of love and wisdom. I would say she favors more, maybe her love side is a little heavier than her wisdom side. Is it accurate? 

John Voris (20:53):

But they're always contributing to the decision and so that's what makes it some, sometimes very difficult.

Kim Eley (20:58):

Gotcha.

John Voris (20:59):

Excellent. We're reading other people and what we have is rapport.

Kim Eley (21:06):

Mm-Hmm.

John Voris (21:06):

And so the way that method worked for me for 20 years is by knowing who I'm not, I know who you are.

Kim Eley (21:15):

Ah.

John Voris (21:16):

So if I am not in law enforcement, I have to say to myself, “what, what personality or characteristics or internal drives would a someone in law enforcement have? Cause I'm not one. So there's something missing in me that is present in them, or they wouldn't be doing what they're doing.” 

So you, you think one is they're putting their life at risk every day. They're engaged with criminals every day. They surround themselves with crimes and victims every day, and they cause a lot of problems for the perpetrators, hopefully. And they can be often a very much disliked by certain segments of the population. And so those are issues that I don't resonate with at all. And so, no, I don't want to be at risk. I don't want to be around criminals. I don't like the idea of being disliked. That's a very big issue for a lot of people when it comes to careers and having positions of authority.

John Voris (22:15):

Can I be disliked and more like, can I survive it? So by knowing who I'm not, I know who that person is in sense of an archetype. Like the concept of risk. The concept of crime. 

So that being the case that I would approach that person knowing that these are part of that person's characteristics. And then what I would do is talk to them, talk to that, “gee,” I'd say, “how do you do it every day? That risk, I mean, don't she ever worry about people shooting at you and things like that?” And don't mean answer, but they'll also be a very prideful answer. “Oh yes, but we are trained to do this and that, and I'm acknowledging they're authentic, and, and dealing with criminals every day. How do you, how do you do that?” “Well, it's been training and I do this, that and the other,” but I mean, it doesn't matter. It could be a talk show host.

Kim Eley (23:07):

Mm-Hmm. <laugh>

John Voris (23:10):

It doesn't matter if it's not something you would care to do. There's a reason for that. And the reason is they have traits and characteristics. You don't, but at the same time you have characteristics and traits. They don't they always keep that in mind. 

So by knowing who I'm not, I can know who they are. And then what I do is I work on that, test it and ask questions. Then they want to have rapport with me.

Kim Eley (23:37):

So I have a question for you. This is a chicken or the egg type question. So what comes first, let's use, use a different profession this time. We were talking about cops before, we've talked before about master carpenters, right? 

John Voris (23:52):

Mm-Hmm.

Kim Eley (23:52):

Master carpenters tend to have certain traits. What comes first, since you know about Authentic Systems and you are able to read people, do you generally find out what profession they're in and then figure, you know, what, based on the typical master carpenter, I think this person is this life theme? Or do you identify the life theme and then learn more about their profession to kind of back it up? Does that make sense?

John Voris (24:28):

Well, yeah, that's fine. In the very beginning, I didn't use life themes.

Kim Eley (24:33):

Ah, okay. 

John Voris (24:35):

It took me over 20, about 23 years before I came to that result. And so I would see, say someone, a metal shop worker, and I would look at those people and see the patterns of the next metal shop worker and the next metal shop worker. And that's how I started. And then I found an overall theme. And then much later I came up with the idea of the love, justice, wisdom, power. So what I would do is I would just say, “okay,” I think for example, you, when I first started say, “you're either a love or a justice person. Now let's find out.” So I would talk to you and I'd listen to the words you used and the love was confirmed.

Kim Eley (25:14):

So wait a second. So did you already know I was an editor? And then you thought, is she a love or justice person? Or I guess you had to have, because you knew I was an editor when we met, right? 

Okay. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I was just curious. But was it based on talking with me that you thought, “oh, she's either love or justice” or was it, you know, “most of the editors I work with are either love or justice.”

John Voris (25:40):

No, no. Now that's what a good point, because I hadn't really been in contact with a lot of editors, but I did know that you are having to work with two things, facts, which is the wisdom side. but the other side is the humanistic aspect.

Kim Eley (25:56):

Mm-Hmm.

John Voris (25:57):

You have to know what the human wants, what's, what's desire, what's going to be satisfying to that person. And you have to learn the facts side so you can present that. So I understand that, but there's, here's the difference. the difference is, do you love for the sake of love or do you engage in justice for the sake of love?

Kim Eley (26:17):

Mm. Okay.

John Voris (26:19):

In order to, in order to express love. Sorry. In order to express it.

Kim Eley (26:22):

Okay. So what questions you might you ask to find that out?

John Voris (26:27):

Oh, for you, you're very unusual. <Laugh>. So, I mean, you're always fun,

John Voris (26:35):

You're always happy, you're always up. And so you're always highly expressive. And so there was no choice. There was love all around!

Kim Eley (26:44):

<Laugh>. Oh yeah. It's like, “I got you pegged. Yeah. Oh, you're a love theme.” Okay. Oh yeah, <laugh>.

John Voris (26:50):

But I mean, but I wanted to say that usually people can tell you even when you first met, meet them, they'll tell you in five minutes their life theme. They really will. You can really pick it up rapidly once you learn your own, the, this all begins with learning your own.

Kim Eley (27:06):

There we go. You have to know your own. That goes back to what you were saying before. You have to know who you are and who you are not to be able to go, “oh, wait a minute.” 

You and I, again, talking about authentic rapport we've talked about before. Sometimes you walk into a group of strangers and you meet someone and you just hit it off like gangbusters, boom “I feel like I've known you my whole life.” And generally those people are your same life theme.

John Voris (27:36):

They have aspects maybe that are those aspects.

Kim Eley (27:38):

Okay.

John Voris (27:40):

So I have some justice people, they're very good friends, they're high wisdom, but they do contribute. The love comes in, which is something that we can contribute to each other. ‘Cause that's the difference. The difference and the similarity are both there.

Kim Eley (27:56):

Gotcha. Okay. So there's a rapport because the wisdom parts of you connect.

John Voris (28:04):

There's something I can, there's something I can give that person, that person [can] give me. And I've been around wisdom people, theoretical, and they're immediately in competition.

Kim Eley (28:15):

Hmm. Gotcha. Interesting.

John Voris (28:18):

Another way to look at this is think of your, the group that you associate with, your friends, the people you see all the time. Then decide which life theme these people are. And notice that if there is another love there, that there's a different kind, a different type.

Kim Eley (28:36):

Gotcha.

John Voris (28:38):

Remember the love theme is dominant. But the authentic motivator can be very different.

Kim Eley (28:45):

Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha.

John Voris (28:47):

So there's difference in similarities. And what you'll find is in the end, you're the only one like that in that group.

Kim Eley (28:55):

Ah.

John Voris (28:56):

You're the only one.

Kim Eley (28:57):

Interesting. Hmm.

John Voris (28:59):

So you have a type, you have an authentic motivator that is you and you associate with other people, and they're drawn to you for the love theme. And also, if there is another love theme there, it's going to be of a different authentic motivator, which will not cause the competition.

Kim Eley (29:15):

Gotcha. Fascinating. I find this fascinating. Oh my gosh. Amazing. 

So what might be another thing that we should know about authentic rapport? What can we learn about ourselves and then apply for when we are meeting new people or in a new situation?

John Voris (29:35):

Another approach is, “who would say that?”

Kim Eley (29:38):

Ah, okay.

John Voris (29:40):

So let's say there's a woman that steps on to car lot and he [the salesman] introduces himself and, and [asks] “what kind of car are you looking for?” And, and she says,” well, I'm looking for something really small and inexpensive and, and just any, anything just to get around.” So who would say that?

Kim Eley (30:01):

Hmm. Somebody practical, somebody who maybe was thinking of somebody else financially like, “oh, we don't need this to be a big expense because something else is more important.”

John Voris (30:18):

Right. So she can actually have money, but be pragmatic, right?

Kim Eley (30:23):

Mm. Mm-Hmm.

John Voris (30:23):

So that's how you start to read the person right in the moment is, “who would say that? Who would say that?” A gentleman said, “there's no sense going into teaching. There's no money in it.” So I would say, “now, who would say that? So discredit and money and all. I bet that person's a power person.”

Kim Eley (30:41):

Right. Right.

John Voris (30:43):

And then I would [say], “let's let's check that out.” And it come out right. It's, I mean, I—it did this, I did this for over 20 years. And living at it. And that, this does actually work. And you reading people is very, very simple. When you deal with archetypes, don't get down to the weeds down to something specific. I don't care.

Kim Eley (31:02):

Mm-hmm.

John Voris (31:03):

For example, I, I taught one salesman to read people And so he was— he cares about you want a car or a truck.

Kim Eley (31:10):

Right.

John Voris (31:11):

And you can figure that out. You can, you can read that.

Kim Eley (31:14):

Right.

John Voris (31:15):

But you, you're not going to be reading what color they want. You see what I mean?

Kim Eley (31:19):

Right. Right. Yeah.

John Voris (31:21):

And you may not say that it's, it's an automatic or a sticker or whatever it might be, and you're not going to do that, but you don't need to. That's one thing I liked about the system, is I learned enough about my prospects to sell them something.

Kim Eley (31:36):

Gotcha.

John Voris (31:37):

I didn't want to go any deeper than that. That's all I needed.

Kim Eley (31:40):

Right. Right.

John Voris (31:40):

So this is how this works. But you're going to know,” I know that person wants to buy. I know that person will buy, and I know I've got what he wants.”

Kim Eley (31:48):

Right.

John Voris (31:49):

But even then, what would happen is I'm at the shop and the, the manager would come out and say, “what are you doing?” And say, “well, just, I was talking to this guy and about food” or whatever it is. “Oh no, we got work to do.” So that's how that would be a loss for me.

Kim Eley (32:03):

Ah.

John Voris (32:04):

I don't have, you know, I have 60% of prospects that I sold. But the other 40% [were] tangled into other issues.

Kim Eley (32:13):

Gotcha.

John Voris (32:14):

But who would say that? And, and by knowing who I'm not in new, I know who they are. And those two, in fact, I remember I taught that to people in real estate and they had four couples And it was wedding reception. Four couples followed them the entire day.

Kim Eley (32:30):

Uh-huh.

John Voris (32:30):

‘Cause they wanted rapport with them. That's the difference. So it's—what this does is it's not that I'm trying to get rapport with them. Doing is trying to get them to want rapport with me.

Kim Eley (32:45):

Ah, that's an important distinction.

John Voris (32:48):

Yeah. It worked. But it only worked if I tapped into their authentic. So you could say, “oh, we—we do the same thing.” That's fine. Are you are, you can go down to a car lot and say,” gee, you got clothes on, so do I. Hey, hey, we're so much in common.” Oh yeah. <Laugh>.

John Voris (33:10):

And it's, that's funny. Yeah. They're almost, almost can be like that. Anyway, <laugh>. So that really works. But then the other person feels acknowledged on a deeper level.

Kim Eley (33:20):

Right.

John Voris (33:21):

That professionals use that technique. And they've come to me and [said], “I couldn't believe how it worked.” And he said, “all I did is to that he was in movies and had to do with film projectors and repair and things like that. And he always, always had a problem with this one guy. And so he, he used this. He said, you know, it's amazing what you have to go through, the technology you have to learn. It's really fascinating.” 

And so he said he was first stiff when he talked to this, the other guy, he was stiff. Soon as he said that he actually relaxed and leaned against the wall.

Kim Eley (33:59):

Huh.

John Voris (34:00):

The other guy. And so then that's when he started really expressing who he was.

Kim Eley (34:06):

Gotcha, gotcha.

John Voris (34:08):

And he opened up immediately and wanted a rapport with my guy.

Kim Eley (34:12):

That's so cool.

John Voris (34:14):

Yeah.

Kim Eley (34:15):

Wow. All right. Well this has been another fascinating episode, and there's always so much more to talk about, but we need to wind it down. But if somebody is like, “holy cow, John, I need to know, I need to know my life theme so I can have authentic rapport with others,” how do they reach out to you?

John Voris (34:36):

Well, the very best way is john@authenticsystems.com. If you want to go to the site, it's authentic-systems.com. But it's still, it's still being built, but I will answer an email.

Kim Eley (34:51):

Excellent. Excellent, excellent. And I continually find this so fascinating and thank you so much. And I always learn a ton, and I truly do use Authentic Systems in my business because I'm always having rapport with potential clients, and it really does come in handy. So I am completely living proof that it works, and it's awesome. 

So thank you so much, John and everybody thank you for listening, and please join us next time. 

John Voris (35:22):

Thank you.